Every night I get up to go to the bathroom because of the copious amounts of water I drink. So, every night, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I used to look at myself and think about how messy my hair was, but it was kinda cute! That was until one night when I looked at myself and wondered what in the hell was wrong with my face! It looked like it was still scrunched up on the pillow! The wrinkles didn't disappear, and my face skin just seemed thick and wouldn't go back to how it was "supposed" to be until after I was wide awake for the day.
Not long after, queue the hot flashes, monstrous periods, and the hormone demon living inside me. Shit. I was getting older. My kids are now as old as I still see myself. How could I be so delusional?!
Realizing and accepting my age has been weird. I don't want to "give in" to the process, but I don't want to fight it either - meaning I don't want to settle in and get "old," but I also want to present myself in a way that I am proud to be the person I am, to look the way I look, and to have experienced all that I have to accumulate some wisdom.
Some days, feeling happy is more of a chore than others. Like when I tried on swimming suits for the first time in over 15 years. But other days, I can approach my day knowing I have been through a LOT to get where I am, and, damnit, I'm proud of that!
It seems that we always look back on the past. I miss my kids being little. I miss the naivety of being 20. I miss doing yard work all day and not even thinking of my back hurting. But what if we made a switch? What if instead of looking back on the past, we look forward to the future? In the grand scheme of things, we are still really young! (No matter what your age - you are still really young because there is always somebody older than you!) We haven't "run out of time" just because we aren't in our 20's or 30's anymore. Instead, we have gained so much time because we know ourselves so much better now. We know about life so much more now. And we still have all the time left to create anything we desire and become whatever we want.
We are at a time in our lives when we can finally claim confidence and mean it!
We are at the time in our lives when we can sit and enjoy iced tea on the porch and not worry about other things that used to stress us out.
We are at the time in our lives when we can gather up our personal power and make shit happen.
They say that age is a number. I agree with that, but we are the age we are no matter what. We can't change that. BUT the one thing we can change is how we look at that number. You may be 47, 57, or 67... it doesn't matter! What does matter is what are you going to do now? You are more capable than at any other time in your life. And that is reason for happiness.
If you aren't feeling happy, I suggest getting a few books to motivate you and empower you. For me, those books are:
The Course in Miracles Experiment by Pam Grout
The Magic Mala by Bob Olson
Leveraging the Universe by Mike Dooley
“Just because you’re grown up, and then some doesn’t mean settling into the doldrums of predictability. Surprise people. Surprise yourself.”
~ Victoria Moran
It's time to let our true, authentic selves shine and not give a crap about what other people think. Do you know why? Because you are awesome and have so much to give to the world!
I am starting to realize that happiness in midlife may just be the purest happiness I've felt since I was a young kid. What a relief.