We just might have stumbled upon a great way to live. Sad or not. :)
For the past 25 years, my children have been the center of my life. Not because they demanded it though. I have placed them there because they are my everything. We have spent so much time together - we even homeschooled them all through their school years. We are a very tight knit family. On May 22nd, our first born, our son, moved out. I know. It’s time. I also know he will do great and is ready for this new time in his life. It doesn’t stop me from grieving what will never be again. Our family suppers. Hearing him play his guitar in his room. His laughter that fills the house. His hugs. This sadness has truly infiltrated my life. I think I’m doing fine, and then a memory pops up and tears will flow. It is such a weird feeling because I can think of him, in his new apartment, loving life and having a grand ol’ time. I am so happy for him! I am so freaking proud of him! But then it moves to how much I miss him. I know “empty nest” is a thing. I’m a part of several empty nester groups on facebook. From what I read, I have it pretty good. Seriously. Some kids, when they move out, are Super Jerks. Thankfully that is not what I am going through. I am simply feeling an emptiness that jerks at my soul. Jeez. How dramatic. It is time for me to get my shit together. Life is what we make it. Our realities are what we expect to see, feel, and experience. I don’t want to experience this sadness any longer. It’s time to change what I expect to feel and make my life what I want. When it comes to my kid, it’s time for new traditions. It’s time for a new relationship with him. We’ve had as much as an adult relationship for several years; but it’s hard when they still live in the family home to fully accept that new definition of a relationship. Now that he’s on his own, doing ALL adult things - I am excited to see how our relationship will evolve. I’ve got to remember that HE is responsible for every part of his life now. I’ve got to keep myself from butting in. My mom did that really well. To this day, I sometimes just want her to tell me what to do. Should we buy that car? Are we buying the right house? She would never tell me what to do, but instead, supported every decision we made. I want to be that for my kids. So, through all of this backstory, how am I going to find happiness through this sadness I am feeling? First, I am going to lighten up on myself a little bit. His moving out came on quickly. It really threw me - and my daily to-do’s - into a tailspin. It’s okay if I lighten my load a little bit here. If I can’t focus, I can’t focus right now. That’s okay. Second, I am going to love myself. I will listen to my thoughts, I will notice what my body is telling me, and I will respect those things. I will nurture my soul and do what it needs me to do. Wait a second. My soul isn’t hurting. My soul is pure magic. It’s my EGO that’s hurting. My thinking mind. Redo on #2! Secondly, I will listen to the words I’m saying to myself in my head and question if they are accurate. If they are, I will deal with them. Chances are they are not accurate though (because, you know, ego…), and when I realize that, I will either journal about them or recite the Ho’oponopono prayer for them to clear them out. Thirdly, I will take the time to be present. I will enjoy the wind blowing the clouds and my hair at the same time. I will enjoy the quiet of my morning routine. I will simply allow myself the present of now. Fourth, I will re-evaluate in a week. I will give myself a week to navigate this bumpy road, and then see where I am at that point. Do I need another week? Am I ready to move on with my life (while my son is undoubtedly moving on with his)? I think that’ll just about do it. A part of being human is dealing with human things. This is definitely a human experience. I will call upon my magical spirit to help me through this time by doing what I’ve outlined. Maybe it’s not about finding happiness through sadness. Maybe it’s about allowing life to unfold and show what wonderful, magical thing is coming next. I simply need to allow that to happen. If I get stuck in this unhappiness, I will not allow the goodness that is to come next. To sum things up: 1. Lighten up on myself. I don’t need to keep going full throttle for now. I can take a pause when needed. 2. Journal or do Ho’oponopono when I hear sad/negative words I’m telling myself. 3. Take the time to be present. Enjoy the life I have. 4. Re-evaluate in a week and see what I can change. To anybody reading that is experiencing an upheaval in their lives right now, I encourage you to join me. Maybe you just need a reset, or you're bored in your life. These 4 things will work with those situations as well. Maybe, just maybe, I’ll make this a part of my life in general.